Summary: When Alpha in training Blaine Anderson finds a wounded lycan in the woods all of his training is put to the test.
A/N: Has it really only been a week? It feels like it's been an eternity.
Kurt didn't come around from his fog until just before lunch. He came out of it slowly. His body was still limp and relaxed the only real change was his breathing. It picked up just a hair. His eyes though remained dilated. He had the blissed out looked of a child getting his first taste of Alpha dominance. Most little kids spent an hour or so after their first time in fits of giggles. It was adorable really. Not wanting to ruin his “high” she waited for him to acknowledge her instead of the other way around. She watched him with a touch of wonder, still unused to seeing someone so old experiencing this. He was just as in awe it seemed if his happy yip was anything to go by. “High sweetie. Feeling better?” He opened his mouth and his lips attempted to form words. Nothing came out hat she recognized but it was a start. Before he could get frustrated she skimmed her fingers across his neck and gave him a wide smile. Then Malaya pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to her son to go ahead and come down. She was sure that by now they would have come up with something. The boys had at least a dozen songs on call at any given time. In thirty seconds flat a gaggle of boys were assembled at the base of the bed.
Kurt seemed enthralled by the sudden appearance of so many people. He seemed torn between wanting to know more and being too scared to engage them. Eventually though it seemed the happy leftovers of the dominance won out over nerves. He reached out towards Blaine and warbled until he came closer. “Hey Kurt. I came back and um...well I brought friends. These are my friends and they, I mean we, us, we all have a present for you.” Blaine knelt up on the bed to grasp Kurt's hand, squeezing it once then stroking over his fingers and wrist. As soon as Blaine had both feet back on the ground the others started to harmonize. Malaya watched Kurt's face rather than the boys. She'd seen enough performances to know exactly what was going on on that side of the room. But Kurt, he was a wealth of new emotion. Besides the obvious concentration he'd used on the magazine she'd yet to see any real expression on his face. But this, this was big.
Even before Blaine started to sing it was clear that Kurt knew what song it was. He was cooing, almost purring if that were possible. His mouth was stretched into a wide open mouthed smile and his eyes. His eyes looked the brightest she'd ever seen them. There wasn't a trace of fog or sadness. By the time the boys got into the chorus Kurt was mouthing along to some of the words. Malaya flicked her eyes to Blaine to see if he'd noticed. The shit eating grin on his face said it all. More than just getting into the passion of the song Blaine was performing. He was moving with the music and interacting with his friends, drawing them into playful dances and moves. It didn't seem to matter the motions didn't quite match the words. The motions and the happy waves rolling off Blaine were enough to mask the mismatch. And Kurt was eating up every minute of it.
Blackbird carried on in much the same fashion, even bringing a small tear to Kurt's eye. The poor boys emotions must be a mess. To keep him grounded Malaya grabbed his hand and stroked gently over the top of his hand. He barely seemed to notice but she didn't mind. It was a relief though that the boys moved to a more upbeat song next. What's more she was happy to note that they seemed to have put some thought into their selection. It may be a touch selfish but Malaya didn't want Kurt to leave their pack. Perhaps they could get lucky and Kurt would remember this song when it came time for him to choose. Underhanded maybe but harmless. They would take care of him.
As the boys came to their last bit of the song they progressed closer and closer to the bed singing 'all together now' in turn and in unison. Kurt smiled at them eagerly in turn, his excited face whipping from wolf to wolf until they were all tangled around him on the bed in a big puppy pile. Malaya slowly pulled her hand free so he could interact with them. And she was not disappointed. In his blissful state he was more than happy to run his hands across every bit of skin and hair he could reach. When that contact wasn't enough any more he wriggled around under the mass trying to touch as many people as possible. He yipped excitedly over and over again until each boy had passed their necks across his nose.
Blaine of course was last. Malaya watched her son carefully. She watched like a hawk as Blaine crawled over Kurt's prone body and presented his neck slowly for Kurt to nuzzle. The look on his face was nothing short of euphoric and if she'd been the mother of a human boy she might have been scandalized. Seeing each of your children naked as sin each month after a rousing night of freeing your inner animal desensitized one a bit. Blaine's friends however didn't seem as unfazed. Thad looked like his eyes might bug out. “I'll just leave you boys to it then.” Blaine was too far gone to acknowledge her but the other boys politely gave brief goodbyes.
Kurt was completely enamored by Blaine's whole being. His body was practically buzzing underneath Blaine's. His hands wandered never staying in a single place for more than a few seconds. There was too much to explore, new skin, new smells, new feelings. After he felt he'd explored everything he could he started to grunt and growl until Blaine took his hand. Then Kurt's whole mind zeroed in on that single point of contact. The boys watched as best they could from their vantage points as Blaine urged Kurt on. They all noted the smitten look on his face and silently hoped that Kurt decided to stick with their pack once everything was said and done.
Blaine though, he was in heaven. Kurt's soft touch and adorable face had him completely enthralled. He wanted nothing more than to roll around with this boy in the grass and run with him on the night of the moon. Kurt would be a beautiful wolf. He had to be. Blaine smiled at the sounds of wonder coming out of Kurt's mouth and tried to think of a way to keep them coming. When Kurt finally looked away from his hands to Blaine's face he figured it out. While his friends watched on Blaine lowered his face and began licking across Kurt's neck. Even though most of it was obscured by a swath of bandages Blaine managed to seek out the bits above and below it. Kurt's whole body trilled with joy at the feeling. The boys could all feel the jittery excitement coming off of him and the mood was infectious. But rather than join in on the impromptu bath they slid off the bed and out of the room to give Blaine some privacy. There would be time to properly introduce themselves later.
Blaine hadn't been so preoccupied that he'd missed his friends' departure. With them gone he sank more heavily into Kurt's body. After Kurt settled under his comforting weight Blaine moved from his neck to the skin under his neck. The tiny growth of stubble scraped against his tongue and cheeks. If the way Kurt trilled was any indication he was enjoying it just as much. It was like a cycle Kurt's noises egging Blaine on and Blaine's ministrations winding up Kurt more and more. Blaine was licking franticly now, his tongue moving fast and sloppy leaving spit trails all across Kurt's neck and face. He could have done it forever and almost did.
Underneath him Kurt surged upwards with his hips with a happy noise, shocking Blaine out of his trance. Kurt wasn't well. He was half out of his mind and it was Blaine's responsibility to protect him. He couldn't do that by letting this continue. Reluctantly he drew away. Kurt's whine and fingers followed him. Instead of leaving the bed entirely like he planed he rolled to lie beside his new friend. They were both short of breath and flushed from all the excitement and Blaine couldn't help but take in the delicious picture that he was. Even if he hated himself for it. He was sure to catch Kurt's wandering hands, holding them in his own and keeping their time appropriate. Eventually Kurt's disappointed whines tapered off.
The calm stillness around them was nice. They spent a long time just looking at each other. Blaine's eyes traced every dip and swell of Kurt's body, his eager mind filling in what he use to look like under those bandages. He couldn't be one hundred percent certain but he was sure Kurt was doing the same for him. He could just feel it in the way they touched. Kurt had to stay. They had a connection, something strong and magical. Even if they'd only known each other for a few hours there was no way to deny it. It wasn't imprinting or anything outlandish like that. It was smell. Even through the residual monkshood Blaine could smell Kurt's being, his wolf, his skin, his pheromones. This connection they felt it was Blaine's wolf scenting out a perfect candidate for a mate. But thinking of it that way wasn't romantic so Blaine tended to lean more on fate.
He'd been destined to find Kurt, to help him, to bring him home. “I feel something when I'm with you. It's like...it's the feeling you get during a good run when the wind is just right and your belly's full. I can't even describe it. It's just...” Blaine bites his lip and snuggles in close, bopping his nose against Kurt's. “It feels like being complete.” He wasn't sure if it was because Kurt understood him or if it was just the feeling of being wrapped around an alpha but Kurt tipped his face in for a kiss. And for a brief second Blaine considered stopping it, doing what was right and turning him away. But he was weak, just a teenager not an alpha, and he let it happen. The soft, chaste brush of Kurt's lips against his set a fire through his body warming him even as the cold feeling of guilt tried to creep in.
“Enjoying yourselves?” Blaine jolted away from Kurt, barely noticing his shocked growl. His mother was standing in the doorway holding a bowl of mashed potatoes. They were left overs from last night but it smelled like she'd added some more milk to freshen them up.
Nervously Blaine smoothed down his clothes and stood tall next to the bed. Flying in the face of his every instinct he refused to look at Kurt, afraid that even a single glance would draw him back in. As it turned out Kurt was far too interested in the food to pay him any mind. The second he smelled it his hunger erased the last bit of his anger and surprise. It made Blaine feel even worse about what he'd done. Who's to say the kiss wasn't a fleeting whim of playfulness. Which to be honest had to be the truth. Kurt didn't know him, had never even spoken to him. When he came to his senses he could very well be devastated by Blaine's actions. Blaine cleared his throat and edged even farther away, crossing around the bed to meet his mother at the door. “Will that be enough for him?”
“I've taken care of a few cubs in my day Blaine.”
Blaine put his hands up in surrender and took a step back. “Okay, okay. I'm going to go see dad.”
Malaya looked over at Kurt. His messy hair and lethargic limbs practically spelled out what had happened. She cast a wayward look at her retreating son and scowled. She hoped more than anything that he'd exercised some sort of control.
Not entirely ignorant to his mother's disapproval Blaine raced to his father's study to talk with him. Outside the door he paused long enough to smooth out his hair and straighten his clothes. When he felt he could pass as someone who hadn't spent the last twenty or so minutes necking with an invalid he knocked. Blaine only had to wait a few moments for his father to call him in. The study was quaint. An alpha didn't really need an office or a study. At most his father had to keep up with new laws pertaining to them and make phone calls. But Robert had once confided in his children that he'd just wanted to be the type of Alpha that had a study. So he'd made one up. Most of the books on the shelf had never been read, or at most only thumbed through. They were mostly from thrift stores and about a wide variety of subjects. The desk was spartan, holding only a computer and a few photos. The only thing that saw any regular use was the set of cozy brown suede chairs.
That's where Robert was now. Leah was with him too sitting forward in her seat, leaning over a pile of junk. As Blaine got closer he recognized it as the things they'd pulled from the house. “Did you find anything yet?” Leah huffed, blowing her backs up for a second.
“A name?” Blaine wasn't sure what she was getting at. He turned to his father for help.
“We haven't found anything.” Robert let the look of disappointment wash over Blaine's face for just a moment before continuing. “Which means?” Robert eyed his son, willing him to work it out on his own.
“We don't have a name?”
Robert sighed and turned to look back at Kurt's possessions. “It means Blaine, that they didn't want to be found. Or his father didn't want to be found at any rate. It means he knew that what he was doing was wrong. It means he didn't have Kurt's best interests at heart. And it means Kurt will be with us for quite some time.” Kurt's father, or the man who kidnapped him, was very good indeed. His scent went cold five feet from the front door. Some of it could be attributed to time passing but there was more to it. It was spelled out to them in this pile of junk. There were no bank cards, no ID's, no personalization on the computer. There was no indication that they'd ever connected to their own network, instead they'd used public wifi. There was no word documents, no notes off the computer. The most personal thing they could find was the blanket with Kurt's name scribbled on the tag. And that looked like it had been done by a child.
Robert had spent most of last night calling to the larger packs in North America, even a few in Canada. No one so far had heard of or seen anyone matching Kurt's description. Everyone he'd talked to assured him that they would send word to the smaller packs and disenfranchised Were's and Lycan's they knew. But Robert wasn't holding his breath. Kurt's father knew what he was doing. If the feeling deep in his gut was right they would never hear anything about that man from anyone other than Kurt himself. In cases like the boys though it was rare to get any information. They were either too afraid or too ashamed to come out and say anything. “When Kurt's feeling better we can ask him for a surname. But Blaine,” Robert looked his son in the eye again, “it is very important that we do not press. Being kind and considerate to this boy could be the very thing that gives us the information we need. We are entirely at his whim. If we give him any reason, any at all, to mistrust us he could decide we're just as bad as his father.”
It sent a wave of terror through Blaine's body. He'd already screwed up. He'd been trusted with protecting Kurt. His mother and father had told him to get Kurt acquainted with his peers and make him feel safe and instead he'd taken advantage of the poor boy. If his father found out it would be a disaster. He might even get the Alpha title taken away from him. What pack could trust someone who would violate someone on a whim. Blaine took a seat between his father and Leah concentrating on the items in front of him rather than the unease he was feeling. He would have to be stronger. And he could start that by asking a simple question. “Where is the chain?”
“We gave it to the police. There's a correspondent there who will clean the monkshood pollen from it.”
“Won't that destroy the evidence?”
“He'll be very careful.” Robert's voice held a note of humor but Blaine could tell he was dead serious. Blaine still wasn't sure how it was possible to clean away pollen without washing away the blood and fur but he trusted his father.
“I want to see it.” Blaine looked his father directly in the eye and projected his determination. If he could see Kurt as a victim, as someone under his protection, he wouldn't be able to see him as a possible mate. He needed to see the chain again. Ideally he wanted to see the basement again but he knew it was impossible. The monkshood flowers had claimed that place. As long as his father ruled he'd never step foot in there again.
“That can be arranged.” Robert was proud of his son. Whatever his reason he was taking an important step towards being an Alpha. As much as Robert wanted to shield his youngest son from the world he knew he couldn't. He'd been mistaken to keep so much from him in the past, it was evident in the way he'd handled Kurt to begin with. From now on he would have to try and be firmer. He could tell that Leah approved. They'd been a team for a long time now. The two of them met through Malaya. Robert had been chasing after her, teasing her and trying to tug on her hair. Instead he'd grabbed a fist full of Leah's who'd looked so similar from behind. The rest they say is history.
To Blaine Leah was a surrogate aunt. Someone who he could turn to if he wasn't comfortable sharing with his parents. If she'd had a problem with Robert's firmer hand he might have given it a second thought. Instead she gestured for him to look through the things set along the rug. Perhaps hoping that a new set of eyes, younger eyes, would help them find a hidden clue. Blaine seemed to think along the same lines because there wasn't a single thing sitting out on the rug that he didn't thoroughly examine. The only thing, besides the chain, that he didn't get to examine was the blanket. Robert had collected blood and fur samples of his own before washing it several times in succession to rid it of the poisonous monkshood pollen. Even though it passed the test of Robert's sensitive nose he was reluctant to have it in his study. There could still be traces of pollen and that just wasn't a risk he wanted to take.
It turned out to be irrelevant though, with or without the blanket, even with the samples Robert collected no new information was gleaned. Blaine found nothing that they hadn't though he had come to many of the same conclusions they had given time. Robert was proud of his son, if not a little frustrated with the circumstances. Similarly the search of the house revealed very little. The lingering scent of the father was diluted and soured by the monkshood in the air and the rotting wood mixed with mildew. It was a mess of heavy dank smells that clogged up their noses and confused them all. The only useful thing to be gleaned from it was that the father had probably done it on purpose. And despite all the mounting evidence to suggest that Kurt's father had done these things intentionally there still remained the question as to why. Why abuse your child? Why hide him? They didn't know if he simply didn't like Lycans or if he was just afraid. They didn't know if he was making a statement or of he was just a sick freak that liked to abuse children.
No one seemed to be taking it harder than Blaine that they had no motive. With age one came to understand that these things just happened. The world was full of sick, sick people human and wolf alike. It was the nature of life. Blaine was still young, still hopeful. He still searched for an answer to everything, unwilling to just accept that some things just were. Robert hoped that in time David would talk to him, friend to friend, and explain things. Or at least convince him to stop before he ran himself into the ground. Blaine had become a man possessed. Every bit of warning and parental advice that Robert and Malaya had given him to slow down had fallen on deaf ears. By the time the week was out they'd resigned themselves to just watching him burn. Leah felt it was best for him to just get it out of his system. All Alpha's needed to meet an unmovable force, an unanswerable question, something that kept them from camping on a pedestal.
Blaine didn't feel like he was stretched too thin. He felt like he wasn't stretching himself far enough, he felt cramped, caged. Here he was spending time at school and at Warbler practice when he could be at home taking care of Kurt and helping to look for his father. He could be on patrol right now. Hell he could be searching Columbus and making contacts. Not that he didn't enjoy the Warblers. A lot of them were his friends, some even pack members. He enjoyed singing, he especially enjoyed the proposed sexy number that was very out of their usual mold. But he just didn't feel like his time was best served learning a two step shuffle. At least not until they had a solid lead.
“Warbler Blaine, if you can not bring yourself to be present, perhaps you should not be present.” Thad. He was staring at Blaine like he had personally offended him somehow. If Blaine weren't so use to his emotional constipation, and if he hadn't been looking for an excuse to leave, he might have been offended by the look on his face. However an out was an out and Blaine planned on taking it.
“My apologies gentlemen, my head is in the clouds today. Tomorrow?” There was a cautious and tad bit worried consensus around the room. Everyone said their goodbyes and watched him leave. Some, those who weren't pack, were a little bemused. Everyone else was torn between being sad for him and being frustrated. He wasn't doing Kurt any good by wearing himself out. Blaine however couldn't care less about the thoughts he'd left behind in the commons. Today he was going to go see Kurt. While he did make time to see Kurt every day some days he kept things brief. Those were the days when he feared he would lose control and give into his primal urges. But today he was feeling too bereft to cave in. He could spend the whole night with Kurt tonight just talking and singing to him.
With each passing day he'd been more and more alert. Blaine was almost certain that he would start talking any day now. That was both amazing and horrifying. On the one hand once Kurt began talking they could question him. Within reason of course. But on the other hand once Kurt's facilities returned to him he could tell about what had happened that second day. Blaine still hadn't told his parents, or his friends, what he'd done. He had the feeling that his mother knew something had happened. The fact that she hadn't called him on it yet was nothing short of a miracle. Maybe it was because she saw his remorse.
His thoughts carried him home. The Anderson compound was the closest “neighborhood” to Dalton. Though it housed only Lycan's, Were's, and their families it was a pretty diverse community. There were a few rows of houses that housed families and a few that were shared between friends. There were even a few elderly couples that lived in the houses closest the mansion. Blaine knew them all by name, from the oldest man to the youngest child. Most days he wound through the streets stopping to say hello to every wolf who caught his eye. Today though he cut through the center street that lead straight to his home. He wasn't too preoccupied to wave to the wolves who passed him but his usual flare wasn't in it. Nobody blamed him though. Finding Kurt so near to their home in such a condition shook the community. They were hard pressed to find fault with Blaine's troubled mood.
By the time he'd made it to his own sprawling front yard he was half running. There was a gaggle of Omega's on the porch, all clutching the porch railing and looking out over the lawn at Blaine. The attention made him pick up the pace. One Omega meant his mother wanted him to clean his room, or maybe there was going to be rabbit for dinner. A group of Omega's meant business. “Ladies, Joey.” The Omega's nodded to him in greeting, briefly flashing him their necks in submission. When they straightened up Blaine relaxed his body to calm them.
“Alpha Blaine.” Joanna addressed him. Of all the female Omega's his age she was the one Blaine dealt with most. She went to Crawford County Day unlike the other Omega's who preferred home schooling. David often shepherded her from her campus to Dalton's for impromptu performances.
“Joanna.” Blaine was eager to hear the news, almost desperate. He did want to go see Kurt after all but it wouldn't do to rush her.
“Kurt is doing very well today.”
“Is that so? He ate a good amount?”
“Oh yes, Mrs. Malaya brought him turkey dumplings.”
“That's good. Very good.”
“Yeah he seems pretty restless today though.”
“That's a shame. I'll try to get him out and about today. Maybe a short walk.” Blaine fought the urge to edge out of the conversation. But the longer he talked to her the more disappointed he got. Obviously he'd just caught a group of Omega's relaxing on the porch. And he'd had such high hopes.
“That sounds wonderful. I'm sure Kurt would love to do it. You should go ask him now. He's been asking for you all day.”
“That's nice I...what?” Blaine's mouth opened in shock and his eyes opened wide. Kurt had asked for him? He'd actually spoken? And he'd used those first words to ask for him?
“He asked for you Alpha Blaine. Several times and quite insistently.” Joanna was smiling so wide it must have hurt her face. Behind her the other Omega's tried and failed to hide their laughter at Blaine's expense. And still Blaine had trouble understanding. Kurt was speaking. Kurt was speaking his name, quite possibly at this moment. Blaine couldn't believe he was still standing on the porch. With a hurried wave he dashed through the group of Omega's and into the house. He ran to Kurt's room like his heels were on fire, not stopping until his knees were knocking into the foot of Kurt's bed.
“Kurt.” Blaine stumbled onto the bed. His whole body felt weak but still he crawled until he could lie beside Kurt. His voice was heaven. It was light and high like a beautiful bird. Blaine could listen to it all day. First though he would have to get him talking. “I'm here. I'm here and I can be here all night. Have you been asking for me long? I was at school. I probably won't go tomorrow.” Blaine couldn't help but babble. Kurt was staring at him like he'd hung the moon and he couldn't get enough of it. “I can't wait for you to meet everyone for real. You're going to love it here so much.”
“Blaine. Blaine, Blaine, Blaine Blaine.” Kurt was just saying his name, smiling like a loon and babbling his name over and over. A touch of disappointment reached Blaine. He'd hoped that Kurt could actually talk. He'd thought Kurt had asked for him in more words. But still, it was amazing to hear his voice at all. And to know that Kurt's first words in his recovery was his name made him feel all warm and tingly inside. He smiled at Kurt's praising. The boy was curling himself around Blaine and repeating Blaine into his ear.
Blaine burst out in a fit of giggles. The feeling of his warm breath and fluttering lips tickled the shell of his ear. The laughter sent him curling further around Kurt. “Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt!” Blaine playfully chanted along, infected by Kurt's happy mood. What happened next nearly sent him tumbling off the mattress. In response to hearing his named chanted as well Kurt let out a swell of laughter. It was bright and bubbly but still a strong deep laugh that came from his chest. Blaine could feel it against his own and swelled with pride. Kurt was getting better. For a while Blaine stayed quiet. First he enjoyed the sound of Kurt's laughter, then the sound of his heavy breathing and happy sighs. Then they laid together quietly listening to the sounds of the house moving on around them. It was nice, peaceful.
“You have no idea how much you mean to me do you?” Blaine whispered his confession to Kurt, nose to nose. The wolf seemed caught off guard by the words, his lazy smile fading away to shock before he smiled again. This time wider. He looked exuberant, flashing a row of tiny white teeth and a set of dimples. Blaine was so taken with the look he just had to memorize it. He slowly traced his fingers across Kurt's face, over the high arch of his cheekbones down his nose to the small adorable upturn. Almost on autopilot Blaine took his thumb down to trace over his lips softly. They felt amazing. Even the brief sweep of his thumb took him back to the feeling of the kiss where Kurt's lips had felt even softer. Like clouds, or the soft underbelly of a newborn cub.
The desire on Blaine's face must have shown. And how could it not? Blaine was the poster boy for wearing your heart on your sleeves. As slow as Kurt's mind was to pick up on words he had no such problems with expression. He could see what Blaine wanted and in his current state he couldn't think of a single reason to deny him. The soft kiss he'd gotten from Blaine before had been a beam of sunshine in his dark mind. Even now his feeble mind couldn't string together the implications, what it meant to share a kiss with someone as important as Blaine. But it felt good and right now that's all Kurt needed to know about anything. He'd gone so long without any feeling other than pain and cold that he was willing to cave to anything, any bright happy feeling.
They were lying so close it was no chore for Kurt to inch forward and press his lips to Blaine. For a moment there was warmth and softness. There was a joy in his heart and butterflies in his stomach. There was his wolf itching under his skin, rolling on it's belly and bursting for joy. Then there was nothing but coldness again. Kurt whined and made to grab onto Blaine but it was no use. The alpha was standing just out of reach of the bed. Kurt sat up and held his arms out to Blaine, demanding with his whines and hands to have him come back.
Blaine stood strong. He wouldn't cave into his primal desires and take advantage of this boy again. Kurt was getting better. But he still wasn't in his right mind. And he would never get there if Blaine kept screwing him up like this. It would be best if he kept his distance. He couldn't lie in bed with Kurt anymore. He probably shouldn't be alone with him anymore either. Once Kurt was better, completely and totally better, then maybe Blaine could start trusting himself again. Maybe. A nasty voice in the back of his reminded him that once Kurt got better he may be disgusted. Who would want to be with a man who'd taken an advantage of him. They were Lycan not animals.
“We shouldn't. I'm sorry. For everything. And I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me.” Blaine went to stroke back his hair but stopped himself. His hand hung for a moment in the air then curled into a loose fist. He turned away, unable to look at Kurt's stricken face. He'd understand eventually. Until then he would be easy enough to distract. Blaine left the room ignoring the whines and whimpers that came from the bed. It wasn't until the sound of Kurt's voice faded away into the mess of the house that Blaine felt he could breathe again. Being with Kurt...it was bittersweet. He felt himself torn between two extremes. On the one hand the mere sight of Kurt, having his attention, it was euphoria. He felt things with Kurt he only ever felt at the peak of the moon when he'd been young. When the world was still new and every little thing was like a gift. But on the other hand it was devastating. The guilt he felt for taking advantage of Kurt made him want to throw up. It clawed its way up from his belly and choked him.